I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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