Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
