i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
