i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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