Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
