whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
