I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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