false alarm. still invincible.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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