I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
