Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
