yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize