Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
