i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
