I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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