There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
