Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
