Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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