update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
