Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize