If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The Olympian is in my bed
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
