Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
