I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
