Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Found your dick twin last night
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You were trust falling into bushes
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize