I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
