I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
from now on my penis is your penis
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
