I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize