The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
