sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
