so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
