i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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