Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
