You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
