Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
