Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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