Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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