I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
