The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
