If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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