so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
no, he came in my armpit
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
