you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
