Your face is a jimmy john
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
