getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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