you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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