it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
