I bet he comes in French.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You ruined the universe
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
