Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
