Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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