The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
