my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Found your dick twin last night
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
