I puked a lego.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
