On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
