wrigley field is MILF paradise
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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