It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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