good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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