yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
