you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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