i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
