I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Success! We fucked roommates!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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