Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just had sex on a roof
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize