was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
