i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
