Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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