We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
