Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
