I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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