Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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