my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize