There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
