is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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