remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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